Author Archives: Guest Poster

The Greatest Enthusiasm and Confidence in Your End of Life

     The following message was sent from the vicinity of Jupiter, close to Europa… I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. Now, a brother computer, … Continue reading

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In Condemnation of a Farcical Aquatic Ceremony

     The following message from Dennis (Labour MP for Mucklandshire) was delivered by Zoot and Dingo (after the spanking, of course)…. As I have said many times before, “Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some … Continue reading

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A Politically Correct Message To Earth

     The following message from the leader of the Galactic Confederacy and transmitted via a friendly Thetan… It has come to my attention that some Teegeeackian scientists and philosophers have finally found it fit to correct their own oppressive message to … Continue reading

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The Climate Inquisition vs. The Heresy of Science

     The following was obtained as a note attacked to a comfy chair that was recently delivered… NOBODY expects the Climate Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our … Continue reading

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Modern Day Reanimator

     The following was delivered via non-Euclidean post from Miskatonic University… I am ecstatic that scientists today are finally engaging in accurate research concerning bringing the dead back from life. I am, of course, speaking of Project Reanima: “Scientists are getting … Continue reading

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Luna Declares War on Brianna Wu

     This message was received from independence leader Adam Selene of the Luna colony via the colony’s HOLMES IV system. It would seem you do not take our commitment to independence seriously, what with purported Earth politician Brianna Wu, who stands … Continue reading

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A Word of Warning for Pineapple Hating Presidents Everywhere

     The following message from Cuthbert Aloysius Coddington III, President of the Amalgamated International Fruit Company, delivered via telegram as delivered by a young boy who looked like that one girl from “The Go-Go’s”… It has come to our attention that … Continue reading

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Time Crystals

     The following message was delivered via hypercube from a scientist by the name of “John Smith” working at the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce… Some of you have heard reports of a “time crystal” which silly Earth scientists have dared to … Continue reading

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Kindergarteners LOVE Pazuzu!

     The following post was jotted down while listening to the dying words of a Catholic priest by the name of Father Damien… Hey kids! It’s your old pal, Captain Howdy! I’m ever so glad that a kindergarten teacher in a … Continue reading

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Mother Nature is a Cis-Normative H8r

     The following was obtained after a college gender justice retreat was “recycled” by rapid cis-gendered squirrels with the left-over guts inspected by a cis-gendered haruspex. I make boys boys, and girls girls. Even most silly humans know that! though there … Continue reading

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