Lakes Are (Armed) People Too

     It is increasingly being established in law that natural features such as rivers, glaciers, and Gaia zyrself are becoming legal persons that have a right to sue in court… or more accurately have someone else sue in court on their behalf, both internationally and domestically in the United States.

     Now, such a legal recognition of rights has been granted to… Lake Eire.

“It started in a pub. A handful of people, hunched over beers in Toledo, Ohio, were talking about a water crisis that had plagued the city in 2014. The pollution of Lake Erie had gotten so bad that it had taken a serious toll on their lives. The government, they felt, wasn’t doing enough to protect the lake. And so they wondered: What if the lake could protect itself?

“The idea they hatched that night ultimately resulted in a special election, which had the citizens of Toledo voting Tuesday on a very unusual question: Should Lake Erie be granted the legal rights normally reserved for a person?

“The measure passed easily, which means citizens will be able to sue on behalf of the lake whenever its right to flourish is being contravened — that is, whenever it’s in danger of major environmental harm.”

     This raises an important question: If Lake Erie has the same rights as people, does this mean that Lake Eire now has a right to keep and bear arms?

     There is precedence for this, after all. Did not the Lady of the Lake not only possess the “assault sword” Excalibur, but transferred ownership without a background check?

     After all, if some water tart throws a sword at you or some moistened bint lobs a scimitar at you, isn’t that their fundamental rights?

     Or are you just a Gaia H8r who thinks this is all just some “farcical aquatic ceremony”?

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