Heterosexual Questionnaire Answered

     Some students at Clemson University were required to fill out a “heterosexual questionnaire”, or else fail a required course. The questions are clearly statements regarding homosexuality with heterosexuality substituted therefor in order to make straight students gain “insight” into oppression and discrimination… or would if it wasn’t so blatantly silly. The Clemson questionnaire is similar to one published by the “Lesbian & Gay Issues: A Resource Manual or Social Workers“.

     As such, your humble author will take this “questionnaire”!

     Let’s begin!

  1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

     Being born into a sexually dimorphic species where one of the most basic impulses is to reproduce, something which is done with two individuals of the opposite sex. It’s not like heterosexuality has nothing to do with the continuation of the species.

  1. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

     When nature took its course.

  1. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

     No more than possible than all sexually dimorphic species non-breeding themselves out of existness due to wokeness…

  1. Is it possibility that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

     Wait, LOL wut?

  1. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

     They don’t have the parts I’m biologically driven to couple with in order to fulfill the natural inclination to reproduce.

  1. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies?

     Oh, I’ve disclosed more than just tendencies, IYKWIMAITTYD.

  1. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?

     See answer to № 5.

  1. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

     I don’t “flaunt” it.

  1. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they’d face?


  1. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

     O Rly?

  1. Even with all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

     Because the Left have destroyed the mores of society and eliminated as a norm the pillar to society that a family, united by a man and woman in marriage who have and raise their offspring, provided?

  1. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

  1. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

     There is no menace of overpopulation. If anything it is the dearth babies that is dooming Western Civilization, amongst other first world countries.

  1. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear that the therapist might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his or her own leanings?

     They’d be far less likely to push some idiotic agenda with pseudo-science.

  1. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential?

     The same way I can become a whole person by limiting myself to compulsive, exclusive relations with human beings?

  1. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

     Happy Happy Joy Joy?

     So, I guess I’d get an F-, I assume…

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