The Political Hat

     The following message was dropped off from a spaceship that looked like a DC-8 on its way to a volcano.

“Thetan Equity Now!”

It would seem that you Teegeeackians are finally listening to your Thetans and checking your Teegeeack privilege by treading lightly on the indigenous peoples of the Galactic Confederacy, as revealed in your “Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion Working Group”!

“Our primary recommendation is that the planetary science decadal survey call on all bodies involved in developing planetary protection policies to engage in a process of community input to establish a robust reevaluation of the ethics of future crewed and uncrewed missions to the Moon, Mars, and other planetary bodies with the intention of developing anticolonial practices […] our second recommendation is that the planetary science and astrobiology community solicits planetary protection input through processes that are interdisciplinary, cross-cultural, and include a multiplicity of epistemologies”.

Yes, you dirty Thetan-riddled social justice minded Teegeeackians should know better than to spread your numbers amongst us!

“Colonial expansion and the trans-Atlantic slave trade have been foundational to our present world. What we call globalization ‘is the culmination of a process that began with the constitution of America and the colonial/modern Eurocentered capitalism as a new global power.’ The result is a world where political and economic systems, namely capitalism, prioritize profit over human welfare, producing an environmental crisis and vast inequalities further compounded by climate change. As Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz writes, ‘[c]hoices were made that forged that path toward destruction of life itself–the moment in which we now live and die as our planet shrivels, over-heated.’ Coloniality, the enduring system of domination born from colonialism that we are left with today, 8 is the product of those choices. Understanding what those choices were, and how we are on the precipice of making them again, is essential to ensuring an ethical, anticolonial framework for exploring space. Several of these mechanisms of colonial violence are of particular relevance, as they connect to current practices in space exploration, planetary science, and astrobiology today”

This happened in our Galactic Confederacy until I, your gracious Galactic Overlord, solved this problem which is now your problem. Why we even decolonized the Confederacy by abandoning your prison planet decolonizing ourselves from your planet with its bountiful volcanoes. After all, I don’t prioritize our welfare over profits!   Do you know how much it costs in income tax inspections to gather billions of of souls and transport them in space-panes!

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